One Messed Up Episode of Pkmn
by Jess-chan
Summary: The title says it all. Some celebrities guest star, too!
1. The First Episode By Jess-chan

What Happens When You Let Jess-chan Direct an Episode of Pokémon  
By none other than the insane, donut-crazed weirdo herself, Jess-chan!  
  
It was a rainy day in Pallet Town and Ash stared out his bedroom window.  
  
Ash: Boy, the weather sure is cruddy today, huh, Pikachu?  
Pikachu: ...  
Ash: Pikachu..?  
Pikachu: ...  
Ash: *turns around only to see Pikachu sitting on the floor, half-dead, it's tail in an electrical socket* THAT'S NOT NATURAL!  
Brock: *walks into Ash's room. his hair is green and his skin is blue* I. am. Blue. Brock. Bow. Down. To. Me. Now. Puny. Mortal.  
Ash: O_o;; O..k..  
Misty: *prances in singing 'Like a Virgin'*  
Ash: Ok, how much sugar did the author have today?  
Author: None of your buisness, buttmonkey.  
Ash: O I'M NOT A BUTTMONKEY!  
Author: Yes you are. Not you must be punished for raising your voice to me! *sends a herd of wild, rabid Scyther to attack him*  
Ash: WHY MEEE?! OWIE!  
Scyther: *wind up just ripping all Ash's clothes to shreds then fly away*  
Ash: I'M NAAAAKED!!!  
Author: Are you sorry?  
Ash: No.  
Author: Fine then. *sends an army of evil Pitas to attack Ash*  
Army of Pitas: Must. Kill. Ash. *slap him repeatedly*  
Ash: Owwww...  
Author: Are you sorry?  
Ash: No.  
Author: *tosses Megaman into the story*  
Megaman: The heck?!  
Ash: Oh crud.  
Megaman: NAKED MAN! *fires his buster gun at Ash a few million times then flies away singing 'The Cow Song'*  
Ash: I'm naked, bruised, and bustered...and I'm NOT sorry.  
Author: Stubborn, are we?  
Ash: Very.  
  
Suddenly, a navy blue Mew flew in and handed the author a note.  
  
Author: Thank you, Midnight.  
Midnight: Mew! ^_^  
Author: *reads note, curses loudly*  
Ash: Uh-oh..  
Author: Ranma and Akane are coming and Ryouga wants to marry you, Ashy-boy.  
Ash: Who's Ryouga? And how'd you know my real na-I mean my nickname is Ashy-boy?  
Author: It's a gift. And Ryouga is..  
Ryouga: *flies in, lands on Ash's head* ..Right here, my sweet!  
Ash: Crud!  
Ranma: *jumps into the window* NO! RYOUGA, HE'S MINE!  
Akane: AKANE NO LIKE ASHY-BOY! HIIIIYAAH! *kicks Ash in the gut*  
Ash: *gasps from the kick* CRUD!  
Blue Brock: Blue. Brock. Like. Akane. Akane. Marry. Blue. Brock.  
Akane: Dude, Blue Brock is HOT!  
Blue Brock and Akane: *go get married*  
The REAL Brock: *walks in holding an inflatable Pikachu* Here, Ash! For you, my sweet!  
Author: THAT'S NOT IN MY SCRIPT! THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A MEW AND YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FOR ME!!  
The REAL Brock: BUZZ OFF, AUTHOR!  
Author: THAT'S IT! POKéMON, CODE #34837!  
  
An army of multi-colored Mew come and attack the cast.  
  
Cast: AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Army of Mew: *fly back to the author, get treats, go back to their igloos*  
Ryouga: *flies home* YOU WILL PAAAAY!  
Ranma: *flies after him* Ryouga, I love yooou!  
Akane: *grabs Blue Brock's hand, the two fly to Africa where they get married and have a child named Katherine.  
Ash: *just stands there, in the middle of him room, naked*  
The REAL Brock: Ash, I still love you.  
Ash: @#$% off, Brock.  
The REAL Brock: ;.;..  
Author: I still love you, Brocky...  
The REAL Brock: @#$% off, author.  
Author: I hate you all.  
Misty: Am I still singing?  
Author: No. You're making out with Ash nd Ash is enjoying it.  
Misty: Ok. *makes out with Ash*  
Ash: ^__________^  
The REAL Brock: Ok, you REALLY scare me.   
Author: It's my job.   
The REAL Brock: You do your job so very very well.  
Author: n.n So I've noticed. *gasps* I FORGOT TEAM ROCKET! *tosses in Team Rocket*  
James: *eating donuts*  
Jessie: *making out with Ewan McGregor*  
Meowth: *hitting on Nicole Kidman*  
Author: Hold on, SOMEBODY screwed up my script!  
Ewan: *pulls out of the make out session* Wasn't me! *whimper* Help!  
Jessie: *pulls him back in*  
Author: *twitch* JESSIE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING OUT WITH JAMES, I'M SUPPOSED TO HAVE THE DONUTS AND MEOWTH IS SUPPOSED TO BE HITTING ON MY MEW, NICOLE!! GOD, PEOPLE!  
Meowth: But I don' want yer stupid Mew! *smiles at Nicole* I want YOOOOU!  
Nicole: ;.; Help...  
Author: STOP HARASSING THE CELEBRITIES! I COULD GET SUED FOR THIS!  
Ewan and Nicole: OH, YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM OUR LAWYERS!  
Author: Nuu...!  
James: These donuts are good! n.n  
Author: *snatches the donuts* Gimme. ; *grabs Ewan*  
Ewan: THANK YOU!  
Author: *grabs Nicole*  
Nicole: THANK YOU!  
Author: NOW GET THE SCRIPT RIGHT!  
TR: Ok.  
Jessie and James: *make out*  
Author: *tosses in her orange Mew, Nicole*  
Meowth: Oh, yeah, this is what I'm talkin' 'bout!  
Nicole(The Mew): Mew Meeew... (Why meee...) ;.;  
Author: Ewan, Nicole, you can-HOLY HELL!  
Ewan and Nicole: *making out*  
Author: I pray to GOD that the tabloids ain't here...  
Tabloid people: *watched every bit*  
Author: THAT'S IT! I'M LISTENING TO MY MOM AND BECOMING A CASHIER AT PATHMARK!!! *leaves*  
Everyone: *stops* At least we got her out. *wink*  
  
~~~The End~~~  
AN: Was this too stupid? Thought so. Only people who saw the movie 'Moulin Rouge' would understand half the crap in this. So go and see it. It's a great movie. I'm just a walking ad for the film. Anyway, please R+R. Flames are welcomed with open arms and a trash bag. Thanks.  
~Jess-chan 


	2. Jess-chan Strikes Back!

Jess-chan Strikes Again!  
Ash: Hold up!  
Author: What noow?!  
Ash: If you're directing, I won't act!  
Author: Fine. But I was gonna bring a hot girl on set todaaay.  
Ash: *sounds interested* Who?  
Author: You'll see. But I think I'll write in a normal way now.  
******************************************************************************************  
  
It was a very pretty day in...um...the deep, dark forest. "I think we're lost." Brock announced. Ash smacked him with Pikachu. "WE'RE ALWAYS LOST, YA NO-EYED MORON!" he yelled as he flung Piakchu into a tree, causing a bvillion HootHoot to fly out and peck Ash on the head. Then they all flew away, laughing at the bumps on his head. One had stolen his hat. "I hate my life." he muttered. "And I hate you," Misty said, "I'm better off in Cerulean City with my snobbish sisters and my finacé, Jimmy!" Brock blinked. Ash was crying. "Jimmy?" Brock asked. "Yes. Jimmy" Misty replied and flew away. "Ok, I'm freaked out." Brock said. Then Team Rocket jumped out of the bushes. Well, Jessie did, anyway.  
  
"Prepare fo-HEY! WHERE'S JAMES?!"  
  
Brock pointed to the bushes. Jessie peered behind to see Meowth and James playing hot potato with her skirt. Brock laughed and Jessie's face got so red she looked like a human tomato. "I KNEW I felt a draft!" she exclaimed. Brock then clung to her leg. "Pretty laaaaady," he yelled, "marry meeee!" She had a look of disgust on her face. "I hope to God you're not wearing a bra." he said. Jessie kicked him off. "I don't want your perverted comments, no-eyes," she said, "I'm looking for Ewan!" Brock sighed. Ewan then jumped out of a tree and glomped Jessie. "I LOOOVE YOU! MARRY MEEEE!" he screamed and the two began making out. Then Nicole walked in and James hopped out of the bush. "HEY!" they both shouted in unison, "WE'RE NOT GONNA GET CHEATED ON AND NOT DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE!" And so James and Nicole began making out, too. Meowth jumped onto Brock's shoulder. "Hey older twoip. Whaddya say you an' I go find a way to take ova da woild?" the cat asked. "YEAH!" Brock agreed and the two took the Team Rocket balloon and went to find the Pres. of the USA, George Bush!  
  
~~To Be Continued~~   
What lies in store for our heroes in the next episode?  
Find out in...  
Who's Up for Some Tea? 


End file.
